If you and your spouse have tried to sit down and talk about the details of your divorce peaceably and it did not go well, you may feel like litigation is your only option. However, many couples turn to mediation to get past their differences and find mutually beneficial solutions.
To help make mediation a success, the American Bar Association suggests planning for your sessions ahead of time.
Identifying your goals
How will you know if the mediation process worked for you? Writing down your goals ahead of time may keep you from letting go of something important or making a trade-off that does not benefit you in the long run.
Once you have your list, prioritize and determine which things you can compromise on and what you need. Consider what your spouse is likely to offer, and whether any of the concessions are viable alternatives for you. Then you can go to your session ready to negotiate.
Defining the conflict
When emotions intrude on a conversation, getting off topic is all too easy. You may find it helpful to write down the conflicts and identify what they are really about from your point of view. Then, think about your spouse’s point of view. Understanding both sides is one way to build empathy. You still may not agree with your spouse, but you may find a different approach to address your spouse’s concerns.
Recognize your own triggers, too. Your spouse probably knows all too well how to push your buttons and upset you. Before you go, look for ways you can respond to defuse the situation.
Respecting the process
Mediation works most of the time when spouses are willing to commit to it. Mediators have training in conflict resolution, and they know how to help find the solutions that work for both of you. If you and your spouse cannot even be in the same room with each other, a mediator may even meet with you separately so that you do not have to negotiate in person.
Mediators also understand family law and what judges look for in divorce agreements. The mediator will point out unreasonable requests and explain how to come to a fair settlement that a judge will sign.
